During a conversation a friend who was about to get married asked “Is there anything I should do before I get married and have kids? Things won’t be the same so I want to make sure I do as much as I can now.” As we went further into the conversation he talked about all the places he wanted to visit and adventures he wanted to experience. If I didn’t know any better I would have thought his life was coming to an end.
To be clear he was in love with the woman he was marrying, and looked forward to the journey with her and the family he was going to build. However he seemed to have a weight on his shoulders as he thought about all the things he was going to have to give up, and the changes he would have to make.
So I asked him one question, “Why?”. “Why what?”  He responded. Why do you have to give up anything? Why won’t the things you give up be replaced by something better? Why won’t those changes you are so afraid of be for the better?
I feel when it comes to matters of commitment and responsibility the fear usually stems from people worrying about all they are going to give up, when they should be focused on everything they are going to become. If life is a constant transformation of who we are as human beings then marrying the person you love, raising a family, growing as a partner and a parent should be a transformation towards the positive right?
To be honest if you are in the right relationship you shouldn’t have to give up who you are, and everything you want to become. It’s simply a matter of sharing who you are, sharing what makes you happy, and sharing your dreams with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Remember whatever changes you go through you will go through together. Then as you start to grow your family the children you bring into the world are a part of both of you. They are the result of the love you created together; they bring out the best in you and will have changed you for the better without you even knowing it.
You will have changed so much, but in a funny way it will feel like you haven’t change at all, because that change will have come from the greatest power our world has ever known, the power of love.