When we first got married it was kind of funny how we were both keeping mental notes of the nice things we would do for each other, waiting to see how the other would react, or what they would do for us in return.

However we started to realize that it was becoming a competition, we would remind each other of the nice things we did, even when we argued one of us would always pull out a list of all the things they did for the other, it was emotionally draining.

So what meant more, me picking up flowers or her buying me a new T Shirt? Me taking her out for a fancy dinner or her cooking us meal? Me buying her shoes or her buying me a new gadget? We were always comparing because we were always expecting something back, if I did something nice for her it was then her turn to do something nice for me, and vice versa.

We have both learned that love doesn’t work that way, sure things should balance, but love is not about giving something and waiting for something in return, it’s about giving the relationship everything you have and finding joy in that. It’s about making a meal and finding happiness in them enjoying it, it’s about picking up flowers and finding love in their smile as they smell of the flowers, it’s about doing something for someone and being happy because they are happy.

What we have found is that things always find a way of balancing out. When we stopped keeping mental notes of everything we did for each other and just did those things out of pure love our relationship grew stronger, we saw deep in each other’s hearts and just how much we cared for each other. We stopped hesitating before we did something nice or said something nice and just said it, we simply loved with everything we had and that’s all we could ever ask for.